Dreams and Memories

I am fascinated and constantly in awe of how the human brain works; how it remembers, solves problems and handles all manner of bodily functions, including emotion. But, the most intriguing function, to me, is imagination and its very special subconscious partner: dreams.

I had a dream last night, in which appeared someone I hadn’t even thought about in years – a girl I knew in 7^th grade in Westerly, RI – Amanda Patterson. Now, when I find someone visiting in Dreamland, I take it as a sign from my subconscious to contact them. So, I went on an internet search mission. The miracle of the internet came through, though in a sad way. I found an article in the Westerly Sun newspaper that Amanda and her mother were killed in a car accident in 1968 at age 17. I also found a yearbook photo from our 7^th grade. And I thought that was the end of that quest.

Then, all morning, memories of Amanda kept blooming I my head – some vague, some very clear. I have this theory that the brain deletes memories that are not accessed for a long time. Maybe I was about to delete Amanda from memory and my subconscious gave a Windows-like warning – Are you sure you want to delete this file? I’m glad I clicked “No”.

The more I thought about her and remembered her, the more I realized what a unique role she had played I my life and that she is a memory to be treasured and kept.

Amanda & Me

I only knew her for one year, the year of our 7^th grade in Westerly, RI. We were in all the same classes. She was smart as a whip. And quick. And very pleasant. We had a bit of an unspoken competition between us; at least I imagined we did. One time, we were talking about the size of states and whether NH or VT is larger and – this memory was very clear – she looked at me with this wide-eyed excitement and gushed “Let’s go find out !!”. So, we went to the library instead of lunch. (VT is 2% larger) When we finally got to the cafeteria we sat together. And took some teasing for it and never did it again. Though we did often talk while walking between classes.

Girls were not yet on my radar (though they most certainly were the following year) and I never thought of Amanda in any sort of romantic way. Though looking at her picture, she was kinda cute, in that 60’s 7^th grade way. But, in retrospect we did have a rather special relationship. I think she was the first friend who really got me, who shared many of the same curiosities about life and was in general awe of this amazing world. We shared that excitement. That made me feel more OK about myself and validated my world view.

My other clear memory is of her teaching me a lesson about raising hands in class. I had always assumed it was a rule : know the answer, raise your hand. One day she told me that she sometimes didn’t raise her hand when she knew the answer, which was a rather liberating concept to me. After that I remember hearing her stifled giggle whenever she did it. And I started doing it too. It was like a little secret between us.

The summer after 7^th grade, my family moved to Florida and I never saw Manda again. Never called her to tell her I was going away. Never looked her up when we came back in the summers or even thought about her really. Which I now find astonishingly sad. Maybe I was so caught up in the whole new world I found in Florida that I just pushed memories of old Westerly aside.

So, Amanda Patterson, wherever you are, I want you to know that I’m locking your memory away some place really safe. You were a very good and special friend to me. I never realized that until now. I’m sorry your bright life was so short. But know that before you left, you made my life a little better. I can only offer my recorded memories of you as thanks.

And special thanks to my subconscious mind for a memory gift out of left field. I don’t know how you do it, but please keep doing it.